A
New Member of the Family: Help your child transition before the little one
arrives
By
Yesenia Pineda
With
a new baby on the way comes various and sometimes difficult changes
for the family. This transition can prove to be even more difficult
when an older child or children are involved. Depending on the
child's age, the new addition to the family can have positive or
negative affects on the child. The transition is usually easier to
deal with when the child is entering their teens or is older because
they become a form of support for the family. When the child is in
their early, toddler, or elementary years there is usually a
different outcome.
In
these early years of life children are extremely egocentric, making
them the center of the parents' universe. They expect their needs to
be met when they want and will react negatively when it is not done.
From the time we are babies, our parents spend every waking moment
with us and when someone else comes in and steals that spot light
unfavorable feelings being to emerge. A child begins to feel jealous
of the fact that everything is no longer about them. They no longer
acquire 100% of their parents love and affection, instead they now
have to share it with a new member of the family. In these types of
situations “the child that was once the baby of the family now
feels replaced, ignored or unloved, and feels jealous toward the new
baby, who is receiving all the attention. Some can become very
attached to their parents and feel threatened” (Braverman, 2010).
This
jealousy could lead the child to behave in various ways in order
to cope with the transition. Of these behaviors, the child may feel
the need to fight for their parents' attention acting very attached
or regressing, acting like a baby, or even acting out in order to get
a reaction from parents. Also acting “overly affectionate toward
the object of jealousy, making everything about the baby....another
coping mechanism for the emotions the child is feeling” (Braverman,
2010). On the opposite spectrum the child may become detached and
isolate themselves from others feeling that they have been replaced.
Also “according to Dr. Spock, some children may become aggressive,
acting out violently against the new baby” (Braverman, 2010). In
order to try to avoid these types of behaviors parents should seek
ways to prepare children for the arrival of a new baby.
Here
are some helpful tips for parents to help children transition during
the pregnancy:
- Communicate with your child about the arrival of their new baby sibling.
- Read books about pregnancy, siblings, newborns etc.
- Engage in fun activities that will prepare them to take on the role of big bother/sister.
- Watch or look at pictures of videos from when they were a new baby. Explain to they how they were as babies and how everyone acted around them as a baby.
- Allow they to practice holding and interacting with a baby with a use of a doll. They could also visit a friend who has a baby to gain experience.
- Encourage your child's involvement in the transition process. For example taking them shopping for baby supplies, toys, and clothes or allowing to decorate the baby's room with you.
- Check with your hospital about attending sibling preparation classes and hospital tours.
- Explain to your child what they can expect when the new baby arrives. For example how the baby will require a lot of your attention, but that does not mean that they are being replaced or they love them any less.
- Explain to them the benefits of being the older sibling.
- Allow the child to express their thoughts and feelings about the transition. Be available and open to answering any questions your child may have with patience and sincerely. Make it clear that you will always love them.
(Mayo
Clinic, 2012) (Boyse, 2009).
As
a parent you should take the time out to help your child cope with
the arrival with their new baby sibling. It is a difficult time that
many young children and parents don't know how to deal with. It is
best take some of these useful tips and put them to practice before
the baby arrives. By doing so you may see that your child's behavior
for the new baby may be positive and the stress and anxiety you had
about it is removed. You will notice that the transition is a bit
easier for the whole family.
Questions:
How do
you think sibling jealousy can affect the dynamics of the family?
What
effects can this type of jealousy have on the children later on in
life?
References:
Braverman, J. (2010). Jealousy in kids and children. Retrieved from http://www.livestrong.com/article/81524-jealousy-kids-children/
Boyse, K. (2009). New baby sibling: Helping Your older child (or children) adjust. Retrieved from University of Michigan, Health System
Mayo Foundation for Medical Educatoin and Research. (2012). New sibling: Preparing your older child. Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/new-sibling/MY01940
Related Topics:
For Kids:
Fun Activities to Prepare Children to be a Big Brother/SisterLearn All About What to Expect with your New Sibling
This is a very interesting theme for a post. Before we adopted my little brother, my parents made the decision that they would not be able to adopt a child that was older than my younger sister or me because they did not want to disrupt the birth order. Their reasoning for this was because of the jealousy that could have taken place, when all of a sudden I was not the oldest child, and my sister had someone new older than her.
ReplyDeleteI think having a baby come into the family when the children are older can still produce jealousy. Especially if the older children or teens already feel disconnected from their parents, they could feel jealous toward their new siblings that greaten this gap. Their new siblings would take much of the attention away from the teens, just as with the little children. I think along with jealousy there could be added stress to the family. A teen that is acting out requires a lot of attention in order to help them go through adolescence, and a baby certainly needs a lot of attention. With children at every walk of life needing this attention, it could put a strain on the family. And, some family members may not be able to receive the attention they desire or deserve.
As an only child, I wouldn't know about sibling jealousy, but as an only child adjusting to living with others in college, I can observe jealousy between my roommates, peers, and friends in relation to their siblings. There seems to be an ongoing rivalry between siblings that in most cases tends to provoke jealousy.
ReplyDeleteSarah Widberg---Great post,Yesenia, and about a topic I can really relate to... I definitely think that sibling jealousy can affect the dynamics of the family. I have an older brother and two younger sisters, and I always remember resenting not being the oldest because I didn't have as much freedom as my brother did. This led us to argue a lot when we were younger, and that didn't always set the best example for my younger sisters, who argued with each other (and with my brother and I as well) when they felt they weren't being treated fairly. I think some of the effects that this jealousy can have later on in life can include weak relationships between siblings and may cause the siblings who feel they did not receive as much attention to act out or drift apart from the family.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletethat is an interesting topic. I can sort of relate to your post. I have two younger siblings and I are all about 11years apart. There wasn't much rivalry but we fought sometimes & there was a little bit of jealousy at times.
ReplyDeleteI definitely think that because my younger sibling was born when I was around 11 years old, I wasn't as upset of jealous as I most likely would be if I was much younger. When my youngest sibling was born, there wasn't and isn't any jealousy or rivalry.
Irina
What effects can this type of jealousy have on the children later on in life?
I think that this type of jealousy can result into difficulties creating relationships later on in life.