Military Families
Sarah Widberg
Although service members must face a variety of challenges and stressors due to deployment and reintegration, their spouses and partners must also combat challenges of their own. The difficulties faced by military spouses differ from those experienced by their deployed partner in many different aspects. It is important to understand the spouses' perspectives in order to see how relationships in the entire family are effected by deployment and reintegration.
One issue spouses of deployed service members experience is learning to do things on their own and without the consultation of their partner. According to one blogger from Pbs.org, "the spouse has developed her own methods of coping with her new roles and responsibilities" in regards to taking care of children, juggling their jobs and home life, paying bills, etc. In addition, according to one study by the RAND Corporation, "Military spouses ... cited growing household workloads, changing marital roles, and family communication challenges as among the major stressors when a military spouse is deployed overseas. Caregivers whose spouses belonged to the National Guard or Reserves reported poorer emotional well-being and greater household challenges than those whose spouses serve in the full-time military" (rand.org).
Spouses of service members also experience stress and challenges after their partner has returned in the process known as reintegration. Some of these challenges include "1. Fitting the deployed spouse back into the home routine; 2. Rebalancing child responsibilities; 3. Getting to know the deployed spouse again; 4. Worrying about the next deployment; 5. Dealing with the deployed spouse's mood changes; and 6. Deciding who to turn to for advice" (www.nfcr.org).
Since communication is limited while a service member is deployed, it can be a major issue for spouses once that person has returned home. Conversely, if the spouse/partner at home has created a social network with other military spouses at or near home, it can be difficult to maintain those relationships after their partner has returned due to the stress of reintegration and the time it takes to reconnect with friends and family. In a blog post one military spouse epitomizes many of the struggles she faced during her husband's reintegration process:
"I had to share household chores and parenting responsibilities. I thought I'd be relieved to relinquish
some of those duties to my husband, but I wasn't. I found myself growing impatient with him for not
knowing where we kept the trash bags or for not following the discipline plan I had established for the
kids out of single-parenting necessity. The routines I had grown accustomed to were turned upside
down, and I felt his presence was forcing me to abandon the independence I had gained while he was
gone."
-pbs.org
It is clear that military spouses must face many challenges and stressors both while their spouse/partner is deployed and after they have returned. The issues they must deal with affect them emotionally and also financially ("I cursed my checkbook as our grocery bill doubled" (pbs.org)). Often times military spouses must reconstruct their relationships with their partner in order to maintain a healthy relationship between themselves and with the rest of their family as well. According to the blogger from Pbs.org, "They need time to reintroduce and reacquaint themselves. They need to rewrite, readjust, reconnect, reintegrate". Finally, 'reintegration' is not solely a process involving the returned service member but rather his/her spouse or partner and the rest of their family.
Resources:
"Children and Spouses of Deployed Military Members Report Challenges as Responsibilities Increase." RAND Corporation Provides Objective Research Services and Public Policy Analysis. Rand.org, 19 Jan. 2011. Web. Apr. 2013. <http://www.rand.org/news/press/2011/01/19.html>.
"Conversations." PBS. PBS, 16 Dec. 2010. Web. Apr. 2013.
http://www.pbs.org/pov/regardingwar/conversations/blog-1/post-deployment-reintegration-from-a-spouses-perspective.php
"Returning Home: What We Know about the Reintegration of Deployed Service Members into Their Families and Communities | NCFR." Returning Home: What We Know about the Reintegration of Deployed Service Members into Their Families and Communities | NCFR. N.p., n.d. Web. Apr. 2013. <http://www.ncfr.org/ncfr-report/focus/military-families/returning-home>.
Questions:
1. Do you think it would be helpful for spouses/partners to discuss the stress, anxiety, and challenges they may face during deployment and reintegration before they take place? Why or why not?
2. How do you think spouses can maintain their sense of independence after their deployed partner has returned? Do you think they should try to do this?
3. Why do you think that military spouses of those who are in the National Guard and Reserves report having "poorer emotional well-being and greater household challenges than those whose spouses serve in the full-time military"?
Yesenia Pineda---This blog post was a great look at the spouses perspective in the military family. Sometimes one only focuses on the person who is out at war and how reintegration affects them, but looking at it from primarily the female's view we see there are many other challenges they face alone. The family makes a drastic change from being a two-parent household to just one. It takes a large toll on the family emotionally and financially. In this situation it should not be a matter of independence that the spouse should maintain rather trying to help each other reintegrate into a lifestyle that they once had. While it is difficult to go back, it is something that should be worked out and compromised. And the spouse should communicate with the deployed partner as to what has changed to help understand. Also it is important for both to talk about stress, anxiety and challenges to be faced just so when the time comes they will have some sort of idea as to how to go about dealing with the issue. Great discussion topic!
ReplyDeleteSarah Widberg---Thanks, Yesenia! I agree, it would make it easier for spouses to face the emotional challenges after returning home if they came up with an idea of how to deal with the issue beforehand. I like the point you make when you say it "should not be a matter of independence" for the spouse at home but "rather trying to help each other reintegrate into a lifestyle that they once" shared. I think that, while it can be extremely difficult for both spouses to let go of the complete independence they had while away from their partner, it is important for them to discuss beforehand and to remember how they separated responsibilities in the first place in order to maintain a healthy marriage while still taking care of their individual needs. I think that it is good for each partner to be independent, but to remember that they are also part of a team-hence the term "partner".
DeleteSarah Widberg---I am wondering if anybody else thinks that the reason that military spouses of those who are in the National Guard and Reserves report having "poorer emotional well-being and greater household challenges than those whose spouses serve in the full-time military" is because perhaps it is less expected that they will have to be deployed since often they work on internal matters (within the United States); therefore perhaps leaving many spouses unprepared for deployment and all the emotional and household challenges it brings.
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