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| "A woman with a child rediscovers the world. All is changed - politics, loyalties, needs. For now all is judged by the life of the child... and of all children." -Pam Brown |
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There are many books out there that claim to be "real" with you about the truths of pregnancy and motherhood. Sure they'll fill you in with information about yucky stuff no woman should know before deciding whether or not to create, but what most books fail to tell you is... the truth.
I have often wondered many things about motherhood. For example, who is a mother? Who is still getting pregnant and how old are they? Some things can be shared with high school aged children as it may help increase awareness about motherhood and pregnancy, and help keep teen pregnancy rates down.
Although motherhood is defined as a kinship between an offspring and the mother, I would argue that a mother can be any woman who has passed on her wisdom, truths, ideals or encouragement to her kin, or stranger alike. I argue this definition because we all have had someone other than our mother who has cared for our emotional, social, educational, religious and physical well-being.
After posing a question on Facebook about what people are interested in learning before parenthood, an overwhelming number of women talked about childcare as the number one expense they wish they really understood beforehand. Below you will find a link describing one mother's view regarding the task and challenges of finding proper childcare. Note that this woman identifies as a middle-class citizen living in a two-income residence yet still finds the cost of care high. Imagine the difficulty a single-parent may face deciding whether to spend money on childcare or stay home to care for children while getting government assistance like welfare and WIC.
"The task begin asking around, assessing the various options in our South Shore town – corporate, nonprofit, or family day care? Nanny or nanny-share? Au pair? Grandma? .... And like many who have trod this well-worn path, what I discover is that for middle-class, two-income families, the costs of child care are shockingly high, even though for the people we hire to care for our kids, the pay is shockingly low. And – since no parent or provider wants to sacrifice quality, political support for universal child care is close to nil, and my new employer, like most, doesn’t provide an on-site center or subsidize one off-site – there’s no easy solution.
The quality of day care in Massachusetts is quite good, too – if you’re willing and able to pay for it. Thanks to the Department of Early Education and Care, which regulates both home day cares and centers, the state has some of the most stringent rules in the nation -- 29 percent in the state compared with 9 percent nationwide. Massachusetts has the highest average day-care costs in the nation: The price tag to place one infant in day care for a year averages $18,773, or 18 percent of the average two-parent family’s wages and a whopping 67 percent of the average single mom’s pay. (A 4-year-old’s care costs $13,158, also a national high.) The reality is, most of us don’t pay $25,000 to $30,000 a year for nannies or center care, because we can’t. Many parents turn to in-home day care, which is as regulated as – but can be cheaper than – center care, since overhead, including rent and labor, is lower.
I am beginning to suspect that the high cost of care is driving more decisions not to return to work than any “opt-out revolution” or newly fashionable desire to be home. The reality is, there are plenty of families who need that second paycheck, despite its depletion by child care, and there are also masses of stay-at-home moms who would love to return to work but have taken a look at the economics and conceded defeat."This is only one "cost" of having a child, and you can see that it weighs heavily on the family. The article continues to talk about help for low-income families and the cost that the child may incur due to less resources given to some daycares.
"And there is state help for low-income families. Around 55,000 Massachusetts children are in care paid for through financial assistance. Another 22,000 kids are on the waiting list. However, the quality of preschool classrooms in Boston child-care centers serving these children is often inferior to those serving middle-income families... That’s because the state reimburses centers at below-market rates, so the centers have to try to get by on less. According to a study this September by the National Women’s Law Center, caring for an infant costs a Massachusetts center $2,032 per month. But the state only pays child-care providers $1,181 a month – and they can’t make up the difference by charging parents. Among the corners that get cut are “wages, materials, safety,” says Helen Blank, the Law Center’s director of leadership and public policy. The system is “not giving low-income parents the ability to buy high-quality care.”http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/articles/2010/12/12/the_day_care_squeeze/
- During the 2013 State of the Union, President Obama spoke about the importance of early childhood education because he recognizes that the lack of access to preschool education has damaging effects on poor children that can, and will shadow them for the rest of their life. He agreed that children should not have to "start race of life already behind."
- There is assistance to parents living just at the poverty line, however, not much. In fact, during my tiny Facebook inquiry, some comments regarding health care included:
"I wish I knew how hard it is to find daycare. It's so dang expensive. My university offers childcare to the students with children, but there is a long wait list. I have to pay someone to stay with my son twice a week while I attend classes, and have to miss class if my sitter bails. It's very hard. My son is worth it, but hard."
"I second that comment, and I wish I knew it didn't matter how hard you you work, the preschools cater to those with vouchers, and sit on their butts all day and the moms what bust their butts get no help. The government doesn't really care."
"I also wish I knew that the government offers no help for daycare unless you get cash benefits from welfare. It seems like the government sees no need to take care of the children in this country so their moms can work. Instead they want to basically force you into a welfare program or you have to pay $250 a week! No bueno."
"I think the thing I found the most surprising was the lack of post partum care for the mother. This includes breastfeeding help- which is by far the hardest thing in the world that no one tells you about. I just felt if you had someone coming to you I check on you it would help a lot. There are a lot of resources that ou can pay for or go to, but who can afford that and who can get out of the house with a newborn. I feel like hospitals and health care providers just expect you to give birth and poof you are back to normal."
- Below you will find a link to explore the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) website. Here you will find information on current trends in pregnancy within the U.S. as well as by country. I was most interested in learning the pregnancy rates by age, state and race.
- Here is a link to help you plan for parenthood, or not. The website provides proper planning for what to do before and during pregnancy, and even what to do should you find yourself with an unplanned pregnancy. I found the website helpful to help with questions I should be asking myself, like how many years do I want between my children? What method do I plan to use to prevent pregnancy until I’m ready to have children? What, if anything, do I want to change about my health, relationships, home, school, work, finances, or other parts of my life to get ready to have children?
http://www.cdc.gov/preconception/reproductiveplan.html
For your viewing pleasure, a funny video for those thinking of motherhood...
- One thing is for sure, if I could look like Halle Berry (below), pregnant and 46, I'll gladly wait until later in life. :)
Questions for the students:
1. If you could not conceive naturally, would you choose adoption first, or would you prefer another method in which your eggs could be used to create an embryo? Why or why not? (please answer second question only if you are comfortable doing so.)
2. Identify some resources that could help make your transition into pregnancy and motherhood easier?
Below is a link providing families with resources to deal with trauma surrounding the marathon disaster; including recovering emotionally, how to talk to children about the incident, as well as where to receive services locally through programs such as 'victims of violence', adult and child psychiatry.
http://www.cambridgepublichealth.org/news/article.php?id=136
Works Cited:
photo:
https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/63873_10151291344248081_1787166402_n.jpg
websites:
motherly.com/community/t/
cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr60/
Text:
Hays, Sharon. Article - The Mommy Wars: Ambivilence, Ideological Work, and the Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood (pgs. 57-74).
Seccombe, Karen. Families and Their Socail Worlds; 2nd ed., Pearson. 2012
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