Emily McDonough
What is Domestic Violence?
Domestic violence is when one partner in an intimate relationship physically, sexually, and/or sexually abuses the other. Once the violence begins, it will usually continue and get worse over time.
- Physical/Sexual Abuse: aggressive acts including beatings, slapping, shoving, or rape
- Emotional Abuse: when the abuser constantly humiliates, verbally insults, threatens, and controls the life of the victim
The Cycle of Domestic Violence:
- Tension building phase: verbal abuse begins, eventually turning into physical abuse
- Acute battering episode: unpredictable and constant physical violence begins
- The honeymoon phase: abuser feels ashamed of their behavior and expresses remorse; acts kind and loving to the victim and insists that it will not happen again
This cycle continues over and over, explaining why many victims stay in the abusive relationship:
Why Do Abuse Victims Stay?
Emotional reasons for staying:
- belief that the abusive partner will change
- fear of the abuser
- guilt over the failed relationship
- attachment/dependence on the partner
- fear of making the life change
- feeling responsible for the abuse
- feeling hopeless or trapped
Situational reasons for staying:
- economic dependence on partner
- fear of possible physical harm to self or children
- fear of emotional damage to children over the loss of a parent
- fear of losing custody of children
- lack of job skills
- no where else to go
- cultural or religious restraints
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ReplyDelete1. Why do you think it is so hard for a person to leave/get out of an abusive relationship? Do you think it is harder for a woman to leave a relationship than it is for a man?
ReplyDeleteI think its hard for a person to leave/get out of an abusive relationship due to the fact that they believe that the abuser will change. They think they'll stop getting abused and everything will be better. Oh, I definitely think that it is harder for a woman to leave the abusive relationship than a man. Women think they can change a man.
2. What about the abuser? Why do you think someone decides/chooses to physically/emotionally abuse his/her spouse?
There are many reasons why someone decides/chooses to physically/emotionally abuse his/her spouse. For one, he/she may seen or experienced abuse as a child.
-Irina
I noticed that one reason not mentioned in this article about why a partner would decide to not leave a domestic violence relationship would be that the victim does not understand that these interactions are unacceptable and not how every couple interacts. In a recent conversation with a friend of mine who was in a domestic violence relationship for four years my friend shared with me that even though she attended yearly lessons on domestic violence at her school and would read through descriptions about what a domestic violence relationship would look like, she never considered her relationship to be an example of this. She considered the choking, beating, and sexual abuse to be something that may couples experienced and definitely not out of the ordinary or unacceptable. When she read through the domestic violence descriptions, she did not even realize that they all described her situation.
ReplyDeleteKristina Pombrio
Kristina you bring up a really good point that people are unaware of the situations they are in are threatening. Today's class really put it into perspective. I like how Emily's article show's the cycle and how it can be replicated but in terms of parents. Class today illustrated the mindset that children battle with, especially concerning loyalty.
ReplyDeleteI like how the first thing that comes to mind about abusive relationships is man=abuser, woman=abused.
I think it's very situational, even though there is data and research pointing towards a trend. But we shouldn't generalize and let our first instincts guide us. Assumptions based on gendered norms can be risky, particularly in family situations that aren't male-female and extend beyond that binary.